Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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