I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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