I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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