I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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