That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
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Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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