I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
