Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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