Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me

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(518): View more from New York

Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.

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(248): View more from Michigan

she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok

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(516): View more from New York

The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.

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