watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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