i don't like sucking hair
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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