I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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