Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
