Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
