is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
