My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
