I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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