I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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