whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
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