So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
