remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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