Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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