You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
