My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
