my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
