I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
