Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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