Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
