I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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