I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
