I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
