You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
