Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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