Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
