I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
