Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
