Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
