I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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