i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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