Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
