Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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