If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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