I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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