My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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