i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
