Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
