Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
