Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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