I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
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A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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