I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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