I think I won the penis lottery.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize