oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
