I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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