need another drink. this is the easiest way
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
