Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
me + whiskey = a bad person
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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